Each year, as Father's Day draws near, I find myself reliving both the pain and the joy brought about 9 years ago. Though we found ourselves in the midst of every parent's worst nightmare; we also found ourselves experiencing God's love and faithfulness, His mercy and grace in a way we would have never known had this circumstance not taken place.
Sometimes I think others believe I live too much in the past. I confess, I often find myself thinking about "momentous events" that have taken place in years gone by. And there are particular days that especially cause my heart and mind to reminisce. However, I don't think this is unhealthy.
God reminds us in Deuteronomy 4: 9 NLT
"Watch out! Be very careful never to forget what you have seen the Lord do for you. Do not let these things escape from your mind as long as you live! And be sure to pass them on to your children and grandchildren."
We are called not only to remember all that He has done but to faithfully pass on from one generation to the next a lifelong reverence for God and His sovereignty. My prayer is that as I look back, I will be reminded of all that God has done in our lives; and remember that He can be trusted for today...as well as for our future. Just as He showed Himself more than sufficient in the past, He will do it again!
"Our children will hear about the wonders of the Lord. His righteous acts will be told to
those yet unborn. They will hear about everything He has done" Psalm 22:30-31 NLT
"O my people, listen to my teaching. Open your ears to what I am saying...I will teach you hidden lessons from our past - stories we have heard and know, stories our ancestors handed down to us. We will not hide these truths from our children but will tell the next generation about the glorious deeds of the Lord. We will tell of His power and the mighty miracles He did....He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children, so the next generation might know them -- even the children not yet born -- that they in turn might teach their children. So each generation can set its hope anew on God, remembering His glorious miracles and obeying His commands."
Psalm 78: 1-7 NLT
This Father's Day, as I find myself once again remembering the many miracles God has worked in and through not just Aaron, but the entire situation; I also find myself grieving for the family of EF. Our prayer throughout this tragic ordeal was that God would receive glory in and through everyone involved. EF pled guilty to Driving Under the Influence and Assault with a Deadly Weapon. He accepted a plea bargain of 6 years in prison with the possibility of parole after 3 (for good behavior). It has now been 8 years, and EF is still incarcerated. We receive word from the Parole Board every 6 months when he is up for review, and each time he has been denied. It grieves my heart that instead of allowing himself to be drawn to Christ, it seems EF has taken a different path.
Please join us in praying for EF and his family. We can't imagine the pain they must feel as each new holiday passes. We still believe God can work a miracle here, if given the chance.
Also, join us in praising God for His infinite grace...not only is our sweet Aaron alive, but a testimony to God's miraculous healing power!
(By the way, If you have no idea what I am talking about, e-mail me and I'll share Aaron's story with you)
This song has been playing in my head all week and seems to speak our thoughts perfectly!
We Will Remember
Tommy Walker
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoqV2ucPsaI
We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness
You’re our creator, our life sustainer
Deliverer, our comfort, our joy
Throughout the ages You’ve been our shelter
Our peace in the midst of the storm
With signs and wonders You’ve shown Your power
With precious blood You showed us Your grace
You’ve been our helper, our liberator
The giver of life with no end
We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness
When we walk through life’s darkest valleys
We will look back at all You have done
And we will shout, our God is good
And He is the faithful One
Bridge
Hallelujah, hallelujah
To the one from whom all blessings flow
Hallelujah, hallelujah
To the one whose glory has been shown
We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness
I still remember the day You saved me
The day I heard You call out my name
You said You loved me and would never leave me
And I’ve never been the same
We will remember, we will remember
We will remember the works of Your hands
We will stop and give you praise
For great is Thy faithfulness
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
When Everything Falls Apart
Sorry I'm just now getting around to updating; I've had a sinus infection that kept me down the first part of the week and have been playing catch up ever since.
Ron's appointment with the hematologist/oncologist brought no surprises. Dr. M started him on daily Lovenox (anticoagulant/blood thinner) through his PICC line. It's a little scary since no one (at least they know of) has ever had Lovenox administered this way; so he's starting on a very low dose and has had two blood draws already this week to establish a baseline and to monitor specific (antifactor 10a) level. Because the doctor is also an oncologist they have their own pharmacy, lab, infusion clinic (for chemo) and yet, they've never had this scenario. My sweet husband, always the guinea pig. It's a challenge to be learning these things along with the specialist doctor. The pharmacist even had to research the best way to administer the Lovenox and teach me how to do it.
The major concern is bleeding. The two times they tried Ron on Lovenox (when they had to be injected into his belly), he always had bleeds (hematomas). In these cases, they were visible. Now that the Lovenox is administered through his PICC there are no obvious sites to watch; which means if he were to have bleeding, it would be internally. We're hoping that the previous bleeds, when receiving the injections, were due to the multiple sticks under the skin not because of the Lovenox in and of itself.
The Lovenox therapy is a preventative measure to guard against future blood clots. This does not bust up the existing blood clots; they should resolve over time (usually +/-6 months). When asked why he develops blood clots we were told once you have a blood clot; for some reason, your body tends to develop more.
Dr M also said he doesn't believe that the blood clots are what's causing the edema, but are just a small part of the puzzle.
We're still adjusting to the low potassium diet thing; which has been difficult, mainly because I haven't felt well so haven't taken the time to sit down and figure out recipes to go with these new restrictions therefore, I haven't been cooking much. My major project for this week is to come up with a plan of action. Not that he eats that much, but the things he typically did eat, are (mostly) no longer an option. No big deal, just a matter of adjustment.
So, there ya have it...our week in a nutshell!
Christie
"Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33 New Living Translation
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified...for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
Great song below
Everything Falls by Fee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvjJ9TYA8cE&feature=related
You said You'd never leave or forsake me
When You said, this life is gonna shake me
And You said the world is gonna bring trouble on my soul
This I know
When everything falls apart your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart you're the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart and my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong, You keep holding on
You keep holding on
When I see the darkness all around me
When I see that tragedy has found me
I still believe your faithful arms will never let me go
And still I know
When everything falls apart your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart you're the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart and my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong, You keep holding on
You keep holding on
Sorrow will last for the night
But hope is rising with the sun, it's rising with the sun
There will be storms in this life
But I know You will overcome, you have overcome
When everything falls apart your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart you're the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart and my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong, You keep holding on
You keep holding on
Ron's appointment with the hematologist/oncologist brought no surprises. Dr. M started him on daily Lovenox (anticoagulant/blood thinner) through his PICC line. It's a little scary since no one (at least they know of) has ever had Lovenox administered this way; so he's starting on a very low dose and has had two blood draws already this week to establish a baseline and to monitor specific (antifactor 10a) level. Because the doctor is also an oncologist they have their own pharmacy, lab, infusion clinic (for chemo) and yet, they've never had this scenario. My sweet husband, always the guinea pig. It's a challenge to be learning these things along with the specialist doctor. The pharmacist even had to research the best way to administer the Lovenox and teach me how to do it.
The major concern is bleeding. The two times they tried Ron on Lovenox (when they had to be injected into his belly), he always had bleeds (hematomas). In these cases, they were visible. Now that the Lovenox is administered through his PICC there are no obvious sites to watch; which means if he were to have bleeding, it would be internally. We're hoping that the previous bleeds, when receiving the injections, were due to the multiple sticks under the skin not because of the Lovenox in and of itself.
The Lovenox therapy is a preventative measure to guard against future blood clots. This does not bust up the existing blood clots; they should resolve over time (usually +/-6 months). When asked why he develops blood clots we were told once you have a blood clot; for some reason, your body tends to develop more.
Dr M also said he doesn't believe that the blood clots are what's causing the edema, but are just a small part of the puzzle.
We're still adjusting to the low potassium diet thing; which has been difficult, mainly because I haven't felt well so haven't taken the time to sit down and figure out recipes to go with these new restrictions therefore, I haven't been cooking much. My major project for this week is to come up with a plan of action. Not that he eats that much, but the things he typically did eat, are (mostly) no longer an option. No big deal, just a matter of adjustment.
So, there ya have it...our week in a nutshell!
Christie
"Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33 New Living Translation
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified...for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
Great song below
Everything Falls by Fee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvjJ9TYA8cE&feature=related
You said You'd never leave or forsake me
When You said, this life is gonna shake me
And You said the world is gonna bring trouble on my soul
This I know
When everything falls apart your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart you're the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart and my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong, You keep holding on
You keep holding on
When I see the darkness all around me
When I see that tragedy has found me
I still believe your faithful arms will never let me go
And still I know
When everything falls apart your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart you're the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart and my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong, You keep holding on
You keep holding on
Sorrow will last for the night
But hope is rising with the sun, it's rising with the sun
There will be storms in this life
But I know You will overcome, you have overcome
When everything falls apart your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart you're the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart and my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong, You keep holding on
You keep holding on
Monday, June 7, 2010
Helpless
I've put off writing this update because...well, because truth be told, I'm prideful. And I'm tired of feeling so needy. And I'm weary of this messy season of life we're in.
Yes, I confess, I'm in bondage to PRIDE. I prefer to see myself as a confident, independent woman who can handle life on my own, thank you very much. I can paste a smile on my face with the best of them, and say the right words "I'm good, how are you?"...for a while; then the tiniest of cracks causes the facade to completely crumble.
Now, there's nothing wrong with confidence and independence, but, honestly, there's denial involved in thinking I can do it all on my own.
Rick Warren in The Purpose Driven Life states "I need you, you need me; we need each other". I totally agree with him; but you see, I never thought we'd be dealing with a life-long illness. It's not so bad to have to accept help for a short amount of time, but incredibly humbling when it's long term. Reality is, WE CAN'T do this without you--your financial assistance, your physical help, your emotional support and especially, your spiritual encouragement through prayer.
I KNOW God has called us to be transparent; to share the good and bad, highs and lows of life with you; to publicly put feet to our faith. But, oh, it's hard when it seems to be unending lows. It's hard to think that people open their e-mail and think, good grief...it's Christie again spouting her gloom and doom. However, when we keep what's going on to ourselves, you don't know how to pray for us. So, as I set aside my pride, and let you in on what's going on; I do so with a humble heart.
Ron had abdominal ultrasound and Doppler of lower extremities about 10 days ago. And yes, they found blood clots; some old (and bigger) and some new. We meet with the hematologist/oncologist this Tuesday to come up with a game plan. We know it will involve blood thinners but not sure how it will be administered. Lovenox injections are not an option - he tends to develop hematomas. Oral blood thinners are not an option - due to his digestive issues including the tethering of bowel, his body would not assimilate this medication in a manner that would be safe or beneficial. Heparin injections into his PICC caused potassium and glucose issues (which was a contributor to his episode of unconsciousness Thanksgiving), so that is not an option, either.
I'd be lying to say this doesn't make us anxious. And yes, we know we're to be anxious for nothing and, yes, we know we're not to worry about tomorrow, but we're having a hard time fleshing this out at the moment. No, we're not losing our faith; though some days are harder than others; we know God has a plan...we may not like it or understand it, we may feel battered and bruised but we KNOW our circumstances don't change who God is!
"I will never forget this awful time,
as I grieve over my loss.
Yet I still dare to hope
when I remember this:
The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is His faithfulness;
His mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in Him!”
Lamentations 3:20-24 New Living Translation
I had also mentioned in our last update Ron's issues with his blood work over the last couple of months. This is an ongoing problem with last week requiring blood draws on two different days (requiring multiple sticks since PICC wouldn't draw and they had a hard time getting a usable vein); due to high potassium and chloride numbers. Usually TPN can be tweaked to help with little issues that crop up, problem is...he's not receiving any potassium in his TPN so now we're dealing with figuring out how to modify his diet to hopefully bring these numbers down. How do you modify a diet, when the guy hardly eats anything as it is?
Potassium is an electrolyte. Elevated potassium can cause a multitude of issues including arrhythmia, dehydration, muscle weakness, lethargy. You can have elevated potassium if your kidneys (or in Ron's case, kidney) are not filtering properly. And in Ron's case, it's hard to distinguish symptoms since he daily deals with muscle weakness and lethargy and is always in a delicate state of hydration. So far, he has not exhibited any symptoms related to the heart.
As we've tried to adjust his diet, we've found just about everything he exists on is on the high potassium list: protein drinks, Gatorade, instant breakfast, peanut butter, milk. And it seems ironic that all the stuff that's "good" for you...whole grains, fresh veggies and fruits, even fish!...are all things that are high in potassium. UGH!
I'm so very thankful it's summer time so I'm able to be home to deal with these issues. Not exactly how I had hoped to spend my time off, but you do what you have to do, right?
On top of Ron's issues, I've been fighting some kind of a bug with stomach issues, horrendous headache and body aches for the last couple of days but am so glad we went to church anyways this morning. Our associate pastor's sermon "Amazing Grace: My Chains are Gone" really spoke to me about living in bondage..my bondage happens to be to pride...imagine that! And this bondage keeps me from experiencing all that God has for me. We also sang a new worship song, Helpless (lyrics below) that was very appropriate for what we've been going through lately. Thanks, Danny and Wayne.
And I must say, God continues to amaze us. We struggle to live from paycheck to paycheck each month without having ANY room in our budget for unexpected expenses, along with our savings dwindling oh so quickly. We've been fretting over how in the world we're going to pay off Ron's hospital bills and now $1300 for the compressor it took to repair our air conditioner. What a surprise to receive a very unexpected anniversary gift from a couple who on more than one occasion felt impressed to send us a monetary gift (without knowing the financial struggles we were facing at the moment!) Thanks so much for your obedience to bless us in this way! Your faithfulness will help pay for our brand spankin' new compressor!! Oh, how I love a fully functioning air conditioner in the Texas heat!
This is probably filled with alot of rambling but as I've always said, this is more for my benefit than yours! Writing out my thoughts and feelings are my much-needed therapy!
Know that although we've been going through a rough patch; we choose to find joy in life: our nightly board game after dinner, a peaceful summer evening watching the sunset at the lake, the sweet coos and smiles from our precious grandbabies, evening bike rides, time with family just hanging out...we are blessed in so many ways; and never take that for granted.
I'll try to update again after we meet with hematologist/oncologist Tuesday. Please pray for definitive answers to our questions about anti-coagulation (blood thinning) therapy. And pray for us, as we seek to honor God as we walk this path He has laid out for us.
Much love, Christie
Wish I had an audio to go with this but...hope this speaks to your heart as it did mine.
Helpless
I wasn't created to live this life alone;
Made for Your glory, I am not my own.
Lord, Your strength is made perfect in me,
So I'll boast in the weakness I see.
I am helpless, helpless,
And my heart is crying out for You.
Jesus, without Your presence,
There is nothing I can do;
I'm helpless without You.
Lord, in myself I am not enough.
I need Your Spirit; fill me with Your love.
All I am and all that I do
Means nothing at all without You.
I am helpless, helpless,
And my heart is crying out for You.
Jesus, without Your presence,
There is nothing I can do;
I'm helpless without You.
Yes, I confess, I'm in bondage to PRIDE. I prefer to see myself as a confident, independent woman who can handle life on my own, thank you very much. I can paste a smile on my face with the best of them, and say the right words "I'm good, how are you?"...for a while; then the tiniest of cracks causes the facade to completely crumble.
Now, there's nothing wrong with confidence and independence, but, honestly, there's denial involved in thinking I can do it all on my own.
Rick Warren in The Purpose Driven Life states "I need you, you need me; we need each other". I totally agree with him; but you see, I never thought we'd be dealing with a life-long illness. It's not so bad to have to accept help for a short amount of time, but incredibly humbling when it's long term. Reality is, WE CAN'T do this without you--your financial assistance, your physical help, your emotional support and especially, your spiritual encouragement through prayer.
I KNOW God has called us to be transparent; to share the good and bad, highs and lows of life with you; to publicly put feet to our faith. But, oh, it's hard when it seems to be unending lows. It's hard to think that people open their e-mail and think, good grief...it's Christie again spouting her gloom and doom. However, when we keep what's going on to ourselves, you don't know how to pray for us. So, as I set aside my pride, and let you in on what's going on; I do so with a humble heart.
Ron had abdominal ultrasound and Doppler of lower extremities about 10 days ago. And yes, they found blood clots; some old (and bigger) and some new. We meet with the hematologist/oncologist this Tuesday to come up with a game plan. We know it will involve blood thinners but not sure how it will be administered. Lovenox injections are not an option - he tends to develop hematomas. Oral blood thinners are not an option - due to his digestive issues including the tethering of bowel, his body would not assimilate this medication in a manner that would be safe or beneficial. Heparin injections into his PICC caused potassium and glucose issues (which was a contributor to his episode of unconsciousness Thanksgiving), so that is not an option, either.
I'd be lying to say this doesn't make us anxious. And yes, we know we're to be anxious for nothing and, yes, we know we're not to worry about tomorrow, but we're having a hard time fleshing this out at the moment. No, we're not losing our faith; though some days are harder than others; we know God has a plan...we may not like it or understand it, we may feel battered and bruised but we KNOW our circumstances don't change who God is!
"I will never forget this awful time,
as I grieve over my loss.
Yet I still dare to hope
when I remember this:
The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
Great is His faithfulness;
His mercies begin afresh each morning.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in Him!”
Lamentations 3:20-24 New Living Translation
I had also mentioned in our last update Ron's issues with his blood work over the last couple of months. This is an ongoing problem with last week requiring blood draws on two different days (requiring multiple sticks since PICC wouldn't draw and they had a hard time getting a usable vein); due to high potassium and chloride numbers. Usually TPN can be tweaked to help with little issues that crop up, problem is...he's not receiving any potassium in his TPN so now we're dealing with figuring out how to modify his diet to hopefully bring these numbers down. How do you modify a diet, when the guy hardly eats anything as it is?
Potassium is an electrolyte. Elevated potassium can cause a multitude of issues including arrhythmia, dehydration, muscle weakness, lethargy. You can have elevated potassium if your kidneys (or in Ron's case, kidney) are not filtering properly. And in Ron's case, it's hard to distinguish symptoms since he daily deals with muscle weakness and lethargy and is always in a delicate state of hydration. So far, he has not exhibited any symptoms related to the heart.
As we've tried to adjust his diet, we've found just about everything he exists on is on the high potassium list: protein drinks, Gatorade, instant breakfast, peanut butter, milk. And it seems ironic that all the stuff that's "good" for you...whole grains, fresh veggies and fruits, even fish!...are all things that are high in potassium. UGH!
I'm so very thankful it's summer time so I'm able to be home to deal with these issues. Not exactly how I had hoped to spend my time off, but you do what you have to do, right?
On top of Ron's issues, I've been fighting some kind of a bug with stomach issues, horrendous headache and body aches for the last couple of days but am so glad we went to church anyways this morning. Our associate pastor's sermon "Amazing Grace: My Chains are Gone" really spoke to me about living in bondage..my bondage happens to be to pride...imagine that! And this bondage keeps me from experiencing all that God has for me. We also sang a new worship song, Helpless (lyrics below) that was very appropriate for what we've been going through lately. Thanks, Danny and Wayne.
And I must say, God continues to amaze us. We struggle to live from paycheck to paycheck each month without having ANY room in our budget for unexpected expenses, along with our savings dwindling oh so quickly. We've been fretting over how in the world we're going to pay off Ron's hospital bills and now $1300 for the compressor it took to repair our air conditioner. What a surprise to receive a very unexpected anniversary gift from a couple who on more than one occasion felt impressed to send us a monetary gift (without knowing the financial struggles we were facing at the moment!) Thanks so much for your obedience to bless us in this way! Your faithfulness will help pay for our brand spankin' new compressor!! Oh, how I love a fully functioning air conditioner in the Texas heat!
This is probably filled with alot of rambling but as I've always said, this is more for my benefit than yours! Writing out my thoughts and feelings are my much-needed therapy!
Know that although we've been going through a rough patch; we choose to find joy in life: our nightly board game after dinner, a peaceful summer evening watching the sunset at the lake, the sweet coos and smiles from our precious grandbabies, evening bike rides, time with family just hanging out...we are blessed in so many ways; and never take that for granted.
I'll try to update again after we meet with hematologist/oncologist Tuesday. Please pray for definitive answers to our questions about anti-coagulation (blood thinning) therapy. And pray for us, as we seek to honor God as we walk this path He has laid out for us.
Much love, Christie
Wish I had an audio to go with this but...hope this speaks to your heart as it did mine.
Helpless
I wasn't created to live this life alone;
Made for Your glory, I am not my own.
Lord, Your strength is made perfect in me,
So I'll boast in the weakness I see.
I am helpless, helpless,
And my heart is crying out for You.
Jesus, without Your presence,
There is nothing I can do;
I'm helpless without You.
Lord, in myself I am not enough.
I need Your Spirit; fill me with Your love.
All I am and all that I do
Means nothing at all without You.
I am helpless, helpless,
And my heart is crying out for You.
Jesus, without Your presence,
There is nothing I can do;
I'm helpless without You.
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